How we communicate with others is one of the most important aspects of our lives. The way we interact with friends, family, coworkers, and strangers can shape our relationships and how we feel about ourselves. Communication is also key to achieving our goals and making a positive change. 

Rachel Cossar, the founder of Choreography for Business and co-founder and CEO of Virtual Sapiens, is a non-verbal communication and live performance expert who helps people communicate more effectively both personally and professionally. She shares how you can ensure your core values align with your message and how to communicate effectively in person or a virtual environment.   

What are the different forms of communication, and why is it important that they’re aligned? 

In order to communicate effectively, it’s important to be aware of the three facets of communication: verbal, nonverbal, and visual. Verbal communication includes the words we choose and how we say them, while nonverbal communication consists of facial expressions, eye contact, gestures, and posture. Visual communication refers to anything that is not a word. 

It’s important that your words, tone, and body language are all in sync. When these elements are aligned and consistent with your intentions, your communication will have more impact. However, when they’re not in sync, it can lead to nonverbal leakage, which can be unintentional and less effective. 

For example, when you’re in a meeting, you might be saying, “I’m really happy to be here.” But everything else about your demeanor says, “I’d actually rather be somewhere else.”  

How can we be more self-aware and make sure that our body language matches what we say?  

Performance psychology is essential for communicating effectively. It involves bringing awareness to your body and being clear about your intentions.  If you are tired, you can use techniques like energizers or favorite songs to help focus your energy and communicate your message authentically. Being tired can interfere with communication, so it’s important to be proactive in managing your energy. 

How do you become a better communicator when in a virtual setting like Zoom calls?  

When it comes to communicating through video, many people feel like they lose all body language cues and the ability to connect with the other person. That’s because we’re all thrown into this virtual world where we communicate in a two-dimensional way.  So, one thing to keep in mind is framing because you’re not directly looking at a person. You’re looking at a lens. If your framing is off, it will be more difficult for your audience to connect with you. You need to be aware of where your lens is and make sure you are positioned in a way that allows your audience to see your full upper body instead of just being a floating head.  

How do you say no in an authentic way? 

When you say no, make sure it’s rooted in your values and what you can actually commit to. Saying no can be one of the most authentic things you do if done correctly. For example, you can say, “This is such a fantastic opportunity. I’m so honored that you thought of me. At this time, unfortunately, I don’t have the space to give this its due worth.” 

What are your communication tips for someone who is speaking English as a second language?  

There is so much variation when English is your second language. If you have anxiety about speaking up because it’s not fully comfortable for you, practice and rehearse the key components of what it is that you want to share. Whether it’s a presentation or a one-on-one conversation, rehearsing what you want to say can help ease your nerves. If it’s a spontaneous conversation, practicing the physical aspects of speaking can help. This way, you’re not having a physiological response to anxiety on top of trying to get the words out.